Human beings are wired for love and connection, that is a fact! Women are naturally gifted with this human need, and consequently have a natural propensity to translate it by bonding with others, being relationship based (professional or personal) and are highly creative in nurturing this need – all expressions of their feminine radiance.
Still, for every one of our intrinsic Feminine strengths, the law of duality commands it’s opposite, darker side, to coexist with it. The dark side to women’s loving, expansive and caring ways is division, scarcity, feelings of inadequacy and imperfection. Although they co-exist, and effect each other, only one side can be in power in any given moment. Think about it, or rather… feel it out: how can one be lovingly inclusive and also incomplete at once? It’s impossible! Regrettably, a lack of self worth and confidence allows for the dark side and its negative beliefs to rise and, in turn, drive powerless behavior and dims your feminine radiance. The kind of powerlessness that makes us willing to negotiate for love and connection! But what are you honestly willing to negotiate for love and connection?
Sadly, I keep observing women who incessantly find themselves hurting deeply because of this negotiation with themselves! They exchange their value, their heart, their power and teir feminine radiance for a moment of attention, affection and a love-like bond from a man. This self-imposed trade-off is in fact a betrayal of their integrity which radically contradicts what they truly want to attract in their lives: real, deep and unconditional Love. Yet for that type of connection to manifest, a daily choice must be made to live in one’s truth, align with our integrity, commit to authenticity no matter what or who shows up…
The Pain Epiphany
We have all experienced “that moment” where we suddenly know we are not where we should be, with who we should be, or doing what we should be doing! These moments are opportunities to learn more about ourselves, our values, our beliefs, and our desires, which ultimately, lead to our growth. Barring that we firstly, and wholeheartedly choose to enjoy the journey towards growth no matter how challenging it may be.) We must deliberately remember, rather than repress or ignore the feelings of rejection, shame and pain. That pain… when our heart is aching so very much that the world around us feels like a house of cards crumbling from beneath us to nothingness, when tears flow so abundantly to try to release the deep suffering in our soul… Pain from not being seen, wanted, understood, valued or chosen for ALL of who we are! That very particular type of pain is excruciating and scaring.
Yet as horrible as it seems, that pain serves us. THAT pain is our best ally for change. We have the power to channel it in order to expand, leap forward, and become the best version of ourselves. So long as we are committed to nurturing our Self first, to mattering so very much to our Self, then the possibility for growth exists. As a mantra, it would sound like this: “I matter so very much to me that I am committed to choosing only what is aligned with my values, my heart’s desires and anything that gets me closer to my dream life…because I am worth it.” In other words, this mantra speaks of our self-worth, the high esteem our Self deserves in any given situation… whether in intimate or romantic relationships, professional circumstances, or as parents and friends.
What truly breaks my heart and inspired me to write this blog is continuously witnessing my girlfriends, and women around me, who bypass their worth for a moment of connection with a man in the hopes that they will be valued through his eyes, and chosen to be loved. I see that their longing for connection is so desperate that they are willing to sell their heart for a fleeting feeling of love. They unrealistically hope they will somehow change the uncommitted, free-spirited man and create a lasting relationship based on nothing more than the fumes of their belief system!
When you delay your pain, you essentially “choose suffering”. Pain is inevitable in life, but suffering is a choice. Acting desperately is a misalignment between your truth and the consequences of your actions Why inflict suffering on yourself? Especially that women are naturally gifted with excellent radar and intuition. Why ignore who and what you know is not honoring of your heart, body and soul? The suffering only deepens every single time when you choose avoidance and bandage solutions over standing in your Power, and over embracing and celebrating You…
Feminine Radiance Is an Inside Job.
Believing in your worth demands a huge amount of energy. It’s a life long commitment to doing your “Inside Job”, which is the work from the inside-out that leads you to the most rewarding, gratifying and nourishing life possible! The fruits of a woman’s “Inside Job” have the capacity to:
- free her from heartbreak and disappointment,
- release the people (men) in her story from blame,
- allow love to manifest magically and,
- make space for creating a life based on integrity and authenticity.
That is literally making your life happen on your terms, not living it by default! Power and feminine radiance comes from strength within, not from outside sources such as men, a professional position, a social status… Nothing and no one can define you if you don’t let them. So long as you don’t hold yourself in high value, matter most to yourself…how can anyone else, let alone a man, be expected to see and feel your worth? Energetically, signals and waves are sent that attract exactly who you are choosing to BE in that moment. Bypassing, avoiding or delaying what or who might cause you pain is a self destructive and sabotaging exercise that leaves you empty and lonely later…
It’s Your Choice to Own Your Choices
My intention is to inspire you to believe in the choices you have, in the possibilities that you can create by committing to yourself and your growth first. Rest assured in the knowledge that this doesn’t happen overnight, but by adopting baby steps that will lead you to a greater and much more powerful YOU! You can create the life you desire, and march gracefully towards your dreams when you acknowledge that you are worth it. Your feminine radiance will simply shine through. Recognize that if you don’t take the creation of your reality into your own hands – to realize your dream – no one else will.
I have been in your shoes, I have experienced the pain and I have chosen to rise to be more of me. It is possible. Great love may only be attracted to you when you choose to BE who you desire to attract. So starting today, right this very moment, I urge you, in fact I dare you, to choose authenticity, to put your heart’s truth first without any negotiation. Stop delaying the pain, and DARE to be unapologetic about your value.
I love you,
If you want to own your Feminine Power and leverage it as an asset in the business world, book a call with Tatiana Dudyez, Executive Women’s Business Coach and Radiance Catalyst.