Let’s begin with the obvious question: why on earth are so many incredible, ambitious, successful, high achieving women single?
Wanting to have a man in our life is natural. Desiring a loving, passionate and fulfilling intimate relationship as a thriving woman today feels like an impossible yearning! Women who seem to have it “all on the outside” are most often single or in unsatisfying intimate relationships.
Why is it so difficult to not only find that man, but to actually escape from the inevitable hope of the first initial amazing connection quickly falling into the monotonous distaste!? So is it a lack of men, or have we lost the art of seducing them? Are we intimidating them, or are they finding it challenging to strongly stand next to us, unshaken by our firey expansive spirit?
It’s just going to take some unlearning and some reconnecting.
After growing a multi-million dollar business, divorcing, and raising my girls as a single mom, I have not only experienced but coached many other high achieving women through this part of their personal lives. It’s a very intimate, personal, and at times frustrating journey, and I wish to identify a few key points that you may not have ever thought about when it comes to that part of your life:
Know who you are. You matter more to you!
You are what you seek. So in what you seek, or who you seek, are you who you need to be? Are the qualities you seek in that man yours within to begin with? When you focus on living truthfully, meaning when your values and core beliefs are totally aligned with the way you live your life, then you are investing in you by caring for yourself more than anything or anyone. You must be committed to your healing, your growth, your ascension, your radical self love, your mind – heart – body and soul! It is your responsibility to be whole within and learn to love yourself unconditionally, because only then can you love “other” in that way – AND be loved that way in return! There is nothing sexier to a man than a woman who is confident from her inner conscious awareness and owning of who she is deeply within her core…because it feels secure and trustworthy for him.
Be specific and intentional in your ask:
For a busy woman, being seduced by attention that fits conveniently into your life can be a big road block from finding the love and partnership you crave. Refresh your strategy by gaining clarity about what you really desire, then being sharply specific and intentional in both what you ask from the universe and what you seek and give attention to. Literally write down the qualities you are seeking, the ways you want to feel with your man and describe in detail the type of partnership you envision. Writing them down helps you sort it all out, and you can continuously refine and edit your wish list. Please resist the temptation to make this writing a “laundry list” of exhaustive, and painstaking, unrealistic musts that are not a mirror of who you are at heart (see above rule). But rather, make this text your sacred love attraction letter. Keep it handy, read it often for inspiration, visualize him and stay in the energy of your heart. The key is to embody the love & partnership you want in order to attract it. Being intentional in what you desire romantically is commitment to aligning your heart’s yearning with your actions so you are congruent with the type of man you attract.
Recognize who is a “teacher” and identify their “medicine”:
One of my mantras I live by is “Everything happens for you, not to you.” The people who come in your life that you might believe are not “right”, specifically as romantic partners, do so to shed light on a part of us we need to address, heal and elevate. Each of these people who are fabulous triggers reveal a lesson we must learn. Do you find yourself always “picking the wrong one” or attracting the same men? I hate to break this to you but it’s not them, it’s YOU. You know the saying: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. It very much applies here! If you do not learn from the lesson the first time, the teacher will reappear over and over again. That’s the nature of the universe and law of attraction. Once you learn the lesson and elevate to a new height, the person who you are ready for will meet you there.
Unmask to return to Vulnerability:
Oxytocin renders Love blind. It always has been, always will be. Every woman, wildly successful or not, knows this to be true. It’s a particularly frustrating thing as a high achieving woman to feel out of control and blind to a choice that’s not the best for you. No matter how exceptional we are, we have been in situations feeling so ripped open that we never wish to open our hearts again. But is that moment really displaying raw vulnerability, or is that a result of poor discernment, bruised ego or pure resistance to accepting that growing pains are part of the equation in returning to vulnerability? Raw vulnerability requires the willingness to unmask. And High achieving women live under the masks of masculine energy as a protection mechanism. Hence, vulnerability is one of the hardest and most challenging strength to restore in high performance ladies. If you want a trustworthy, integral and loyal man, then get vulnerable to inspire in him those very qualities you want. And it’s really sexy and quite irresistible for a man to witness you dare to own yourself transparently when showing your heart.
No matter how exceptional we are, we all have blind spots and bear the fruits of bad decisions because we were not yet living unmasked and in the raw truth of our heart. After my divorce, I was in an unsatisfying relationship – for way longer than was necessary – that was just off and disconnected from who I am, on many levels! My two daughters were the ones who saw this immediately but I then lacked self awareness, clarity of my wants, intention and was totally unaware of the power of vulnerability in my life. Little did I know that I had closed my heart off, blocked my vulnerability and was unable to listen to my girls opinions of the situation.
Most vitally, reconnect with your femininity:
Masculine and feminine energy is real. It can’t be denied. It’s a fact. The inner predominance of your energy, whether Masculine or Feminine, will determine how you can attract your “opposite”. Meaning, if you want a passionate, fulfilling and spirited relationship then you must understand and accept the notion of Polarity. If you are a Feminine & powerful woman, your #1 job is to learn to reconnect with the laws of your innate intelligence so you attract and keep your masculine Man. And vise versa is true for the man. The dynamic of the two is like a dance, and its duality and magnet like quality is what makes love and partnership so magical. The problem for high achieving women is the masculine essence of the business world often forces us to put on an act of masculinity. The lifestyle of constantly grinding and fear of “losing our place” makes that act an integral part of who we are. When it comes to relationships, we get confused. We approach them with masculinity and no longer know how to check it at the door back from the office. To date authentically and connect authentically, and to attract a responsible, conscious and honorable man, we have to reconnect with our femininity and re-explore who we are through that lense. You will find that reconnecting with your feminine core intelligence will help you feel at ease, organic, playful and powerfully open to tackle with strength who you attract. Instead of operating under the masks of learned masculine high achieving behavior, get sexy, get vulnerable and embody the Powerful and Feminine at once!
Are you ready to unmask, reconnect, and attract what is meant for you?
I’ve been there and I would love to help. Let’s talk this week.