Why is self helm and self development a nearly $10 billion market? Why are people turning outside themselves looking for a way to guide from within?
It’s simple: most of us are lost.
In one way or another, we have lost sight of who we are, what we want, and how we’re going to make our way back to ourselves and forward to the success we envision in different areas of our lives.
If you take a look at social media and Amazon Kindle and every podcast platform, we have an endless selection of media that aims to bring us out of darkness and provide us with the tools and “ah-ha” moments we need to find our way. There are an endless amount of blog posts (like this one) and social media quotes that we consume over and over again on a daily basis by literally just picking up our phones. We have constant connection to wisdom and advice.
So why are we still lost?
Because consuming and taking action are two different things. We’ve mastered the art of consuming without applying. We’ve mastered the art of consuming a limitless amount of distractions, momentary & immediate solutions, and opportunities for comparison which adds to our drifting away from our true nature that inspires prompt action for change. Our attention is pulled in a million directions everyday by different forces. Online, we are inundated with different content that subconsciously affects our decisions, actions, and mood. In real life, the pressures and responsibilities likely cause overwhelm and inability to manage chaos successfully. Of course it’s difficult to find the clarity, put our minds into action, navigate with our hearts open and apply the wisdom and knowledge we are given… We are not even really open to receive it anyways!
The truth is, we are creatures of habit, of protection from pain, and at the whim of our subconscious. 95% of brain activity is beyond our conscious awareness. Only 5% of our thoughts and decisions we control consciously. Can you imagine all of the subconscious things that are holding you back and how incredibly successful in all areas of your life you can be when you learn to rewire that 95%?
You may not be “in control” but you can make the decision to make the changes necessary to have your subconscious work for you not against you.
However, the nature of the subconscious makes it gut wrenching to undertake the process of discovery and healing its blocks alone.
Just like your body, your mind needs consistent training to change:
You don’t read articles on health and fitness online and then close your laptop and go sit on the couch and expect to see the difference in your body. Mental fitness and change is no different. Taking action on what you have learned is as challenging as making that action a rigorous practice.
I have encountered so many lifelong students who are more addicted to the learning part than the application part. What this really reveals is likely their subconscious belief about “not being good enough” to take the reigns of their learning and transform it into an action plan. Building new mental habits is no small task and it takes a decision followed by courage, consistency and persistence for a minimum of 21 days. In other words, it does not come naturally to us. An advisor is the trainer that keeps you on track with direction, keeps you engaged in the work necessary for your journey, and guides your progress with radically honest feedback and encouragement. It is vital – imperative – that you benefit from that guidance and accountability when breaking mental habits and building new ones because inevitably your ego will throw bumps at you along the way… And if you are not used to looking at those bumps, or fears, as happening FOR you instead of TO you, then the old sabotaging fear based self comes in, along with discouragement and temps you to quit. Most importantly you need someone who will break through the narratives you tell yourself that keep you in the same place, highlight the slight excuses you use to not make the changes, and accompany you on the path of growth with ascending momentum so you create your new identity into your reality.
Being accompanied with new set of “tools” makes the work easier:
An advisor gives you the tools, exercises and ways of approaching challenges with an open mind, a receiving heart and an improved self worth that no longer relies on the limits of your past conditioning.
An advisor offers leadership and direct guidance for solutions that you might not have thought of for lack of experience or wisdom in that particular realm.
A great advisor with a coaching training has the skills and powerful questions to bring you to your own answers when it is more appropriate for your journey.
What is most prevalent is that your Advisor resonates with you, inspires you, from the experience they bring to the table on life, wisdom, growth mindset, business, relationships or anything you are seeking to gain and grow… Choose and Advisor, or a Coach, based on their congruence level. Do they walk their talk? Have they actually lived through exactly what you are needing them to counsel you on?
I have a friend who became a Coach for entrepreneurs even though her experience was in banking all of her life. How does that make sense? Her experience is not congruent with what she is teaching and modeling.
Furthermore, an advisor does not force upon you a cookie cutter solution or “program”. Your advisor is a guide that brings you to the solutions that get you the results you desire. You may not buy so heavily into meditation and yoga yet want to find the things that work for you. Everyone is different on their journey of turning inward and making changes. Opening yourself to change is a wild and very personal adventure and you do not want to be time forced into anything, made to fit into a confined program and you certainly need and want to have someone by your side who is your non judgmental most outstanding cheerleader!
An advisor guides you to the breakthroughs you’ve been seeking in ways you can’t from the inside:
Introspection is really hard, and often isolating. It takes a lot of practice and detachment from narratives, ego and expected outcomes to be able to, even on a basic level, see where the lessons are to be learned, habits to be changed and gifts to be celebrated. Having someone dedicated to seeking that within you through an immersive and consistent process helps you reach that place faster and more meaningfully. Think of it as someone with a flashlight helping you get out rather than you fumbling around in the dark looking for the light switch. An advisor tells you what needs to be unblocked, what thought patterns and habits are holding you back, and gives you the guidance you need to make it happen. Discovering your hidden blocks as well as being taught consistently the tools to implement your transformational growth are the keys to sustainably perpetuate the learnings.
Continuing to educate yourselves and explore the knowledge and wisdom shared by others is imperative but it’s vital to your growth that you find someone who can provide the personalized guidance and accountability necessary for sustainable change.